Knowledge of a lifetime: beauty edition

Just a quick disclaimer before I start: I am the laziest person in the world when it comes to make-up/ skincare/ doing anything with my hair. SO, my beauty tips aren’t your ordinary beauty tips. They’re the culmination of 23 year’s worth of trying to look semi-human with minimal effort and zero skill. Cool? OK.

Dry shampoo is your best friend

I know, everyone already knows this, but the brilliance of dry shampoo knows no bounds. My hair is super flat and super straight and that means it gets greasy pretty quick. But, we all know washing your hair every day is bad for it. Plus, I simply don’t have the time to wash my hair every day – I’d end up standing in the shower forever (because the warm water is just too cosy). My dear friend Dry Shampoo does two things:

  1. Degreases my grossness.
  2. Gives my hair some extra pep when it’s all pepped out.

There is a lot to be said for good eyebrows

Being rubbish at eyebrows will make you sad. It will also make your sister laugh at you. Not cool. No one ever really showed me how to do my eyebrows, so I’ve sort of just made it up along the way. Unfortunately that tends to mean my eyebrows either just become shapeless and straggly, or I end up plucking way too much. Because those straggly little ones on the end just keep appearing, ya know? In times of great eyebrow need, I always jump to my trusty L’Oreal Paris Brow Artiste Plumper (and that is as technical as I’m ever going to get). Long story short, it fills in the bits you shouldn’t have plucked and it’s handy for tricking everyone into thinking your brows are the same shape, too.

 No good will ever ever ever come from squeezing spots

I know, another thing everyone always tells you. But I don’t know anyone who hasn’t popped a pimple or two. I’ve learned the hard way over the years that popping spots leads to bigger spots and then to infections and then to scabs and then to scars. Not cool. Just to let you know, if you’ve ever heard you can pop a spot as long as you don’t make it bleed, this is a lie. Trust me. What I like to do, is dab a little bit of TCP on the spot and pray to the skin gods that it will go down. It smells disgusting but it does the job.

Dehydrated skin and dry skin aren’t the same thing

Whhhhaaaaatttt? I know the clue’s kind of in the name, but the names are lying to you. Dry skin manifests itself in flakiness and itchiness and redness. Most of us know the drill. Dehydrated skin shows its colours in a lovely myriad of skin problems including dryness, tightness, oiliness, shininess, big ol’ pores and acne. Lovely. I’ve found that knowing the difference has really helped me figure out what I need to do with my skin care. Turns out I do need an oil-based moisturiser after all. In fact, smearing my face in oil seems to do the trick (face oil, not the kind you fry an egg with).

Sleep is the best

This is something we all learn as we get older. I’m all about my early nights and getting into bed as soon as possible. Turns out my face likes that too. You’re just so much glowier after your eight hours. There’s a reason they call it beauty sleep.

Oils are everything

Coconut oil makes your hair grow faster, rosehip and avocado oil are incredibly hydrating and tea tree oil is amazing for acne. If little glass bottles full of natural oils were money, I’d be the richest girl in the world. But I’m not. Because I spend all my money on little glass bottles full of natural oils… There are so many out there to try and most of them smell amazing. Some are questionable.

If your hairdresser says it won’t work, it won’t work

I am the unlucky possessor of a cow’s lick parting that starts at around about my ear (wild exaggeration). If you don’t know what that means, lucky you. Over the years, I’ve tried a range of different haircuts in the hope that one day, my hair would be like Jennifer Aniston’s – a dream we all share. I’ve tried side fringes, I’ve tried the full-blown fringe, but no matter what I do, that one bit of hair keeps springing on up. Now, when hairdressers say, it won’t work. I didn’t listen. Shame on me. But, when they said I could train it, I believed them. No. I’ve actually drawn blood from my own scalp trying to brush the stubborn bit down. The moral of the story? Stick with what you know.

I think that’s about all of my beauty tips for now but if I think of any more, you can be sure I’ll share. I’d love to hear yours, too! x

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