A fresh start

I don’t normally write much about relationships on here, but I need an outlet so here we are. To cut a long and confusing story short, I got dumped on Monday and then dumped all over again by the same person on Wednesday. So yeah, it’s been a week.

It’s not like I haven’t had a break up before. In some bitter twist of fate, this one happened pretty much a year to the day that I was dumped by the last one. But this time, it feels different. Maybe I’m being dramatic, because it has only been a couple days, but I honestly think this has broken my heart.

Since I was 17 (almost ten years ago) I have pretty much been in a relationship with someone or other and whilst all of these things have taught me something about what I want and need from a relationship, they haven’t given me a lot of time to figure out what I want and need from myself.

For whatever reason, I don’t really know what it is, I have always craved being in a relationship. I love the companionship, having someone there just for me, and there’s a part of me that’s absolutely terrified that I’ll never find that. And that part of me is strongest after every break up.

It’s not a nice feeling. So that’s why I’ve decided that I need to work on some things within myself, before I do anything else. I think for my own happiness, I need to learn how to deal with those insecurities and learn to be happy with myself. I know that being with someone is what I want in the future, but I want it to be for the right reasons, and not because I feel like there’s some void I need to fill.

So now it’s time for a fresh start for me and my dating life. I don’t know how long it will take for me to feel better in myself, but I’m pretty sure when I get there I’ll know.